Thursday, May 1, 2014

Eating Standing Up. Spinning My Wheels.

Just Spinning my Wheels
I eat standing up. Or lying in my bed.  I know, I know it's terrible.  I work from home, so I am one of those folks that don't eat much during the day and then pig out later.  For me the later is much, much later because I'm usually not hungry around dinner time. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I get so hungry I dream of food and can't sleep.  When this happens I make my way downstairs, tiptoe past the dogs and sleepily open the fridge or pantry.  Usually I don't eat too much. I'm too lazy to actually make something. Even ice cream is too high maintenance. But God Forbid there is cake or pie.  If it's really good, like cheesecake or sweet potato pie, I'll make two secret trips, sometimes bringing my contraband into the bedroom and silently eating in the dark with my eyes closed.  I've nodded off mid snack, but usually wake up to finish my treat. Thank goodness pies and cakes are rare visitors in our house or I would be the size of a minivan.   The most I eat are peanut bars or oranges.

Honestly, my sleep eating is not a big deal these days because I am so tired when I go to bed, that I sleep through the night, even when dreaming of cheesesteaks.  

I am not a linear thinker so my thoughts skip and jump all over the place.  I eat standing up when I am alone because I kinda forget to sit down. I've been a bit discombobulated lately.It was my morning habit to get a cup of tea and something to eat, sit at the blue table in the kitchen or sink into my deep red velvet sofa.  I would write in my journal and plan my day.  Sometimes, I would sit at the dining room table and stare out into my backyard between sips of tea and writing.  I haven't done that in months.  

It's weird that whenever I get into a funky mood, the things that calm and center me are the first things that fall by the wayside.  How dumb.  I felt like I worked less, but was more productive.  After I wrote, I would do an hours worth of housework and be ready to get to my work by 11:00.  It made much more sense.  Those days I also took regular lunch breaks, even if I just ate peanut better and jelly.  

My funky mood stole from me and I didn't even realize it.   I need to sit down, get back to writing every morning and get myself together before my day even really begins. Eating standing up is just an indicator that I am spinning my wheels to hard.

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