Tuesday, April 22, 2014

10 Reasons Why I Know I am Better than I was Before

Or Why I Lay in the Grass on a Windless Day
Image Courtesy of Mark A. Hicks, of Discovery Education

1. I get out of bed everyday.
2. I am writing semi- consistently.
3. I don't beat myself up as much and I return home from my guilt trips much earlier than I used to.
4. I pray more, beg less.
5. I don't think the worst when a situation gone haywire ...or I don't think the worst for long.
6. I have become very aware of my thinking without being fanatical.
7. I KNOW that just because I thought it, doesn't make it true.  Whatever IT is.
8. Things that worry me don't get stuck in my mind the way they used to.
9. I don't get caught up in trying not to be whatever I am in the moment.  Things move along faster when I just let my emotions alone.  Trying to guilt myself out of being sad just adds fuel to the fire and keeps perpetuating sadness.  
10. I am flexible.  My life doesn't have to look precisely like the the way I envisioned.  It just has to feel the way I want it to feel and it has to produce what it is supposed to produce. I don't hold on to things so tightly anymore.

I was in the Walgreen's recently and passed a display of kites.  I love flying kites, always have, and my kids have followed in my footsteps.  I remember when Noelle was barely three years old she had this huge Disney Princess Kite.  People at the park would be amazed to see this mini child flying this hulk of a kite.  It was easy for her because she had a light touch and once we got the kite up to where it had to be according to the wind it glided on, it was...well child's play.  If you hold on to a kite too tightly with no leeway, it will get stuck and stutter about in one general area.  If a kite can't go with the wind the way it knows how, the air will butt against it eventually battering it into broken-ness.  If you try to fly a kite with not enough wind to get it gliding and soaring, it will crash and drag along on the ground as you run wild, artificially trying to put it where it knows it shouldn't be.

It's like that with my life these days.  I try to have a gentle touch so it can go in the direction it wants to go.   I don't try to artifically take it where it knows it should not be. And I don't run myself ragged anymore trying desperately to get something, anything in the air.

God is the wind. My life is the kite. The work that I do is what gives the kite its flight. (That was for me)

I am definietly better than I was before.   I got this far.  I can go the distance.  I'll just stay inside when it rains and lay in the grass on a windless day.

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