Wednesday, March 26, 2014

My Sofa and the Valley of Decision

Again I'm irked.  I am irked about a lot of things today.  The dogs ate a hole in our den sofa.   I don't blame the dogs, I blame my son who shoves crap he doesn't want to deal with into crack of the sofa.  You know the crack, the narrow space at the back of the sofa, down past the cushions.  The sofa crack is the place where pencils and pennies go to die.   My son was right at first in thinking that I didn't know that he was using the sofa as his own personal trash can, because I had no idea.  He was wrong, HOWEVER,  in thinking I would never find out.  All it took was my fishing the crack to find the iPhone.  I found the phone along with 20 or so crumpled up Welch's Fruit Snack wrappers.   Pulling out the fruit snacks wrappers was like watching clowns emerge from a circus car.  I kept thinking, "There can't be more in there!"

I had a hizzy fit and banned fruit snacks.

The thing is he still stuffs his dirty socks and whatever he disrobed between the cushions.  Now my daughter has joined in with this madness.  The dogs and I have found dirty socks, teeshirts, mini stuffed animals and the occasional hoodie.  For my dogs, finding a treat in the sofa is like hitting the quarter slot jackpot at the casino.  They usually parade through the downstairs, heads held high proudly carrying their winnings between them.    At any rate they ate a hole in my sofa.  It was obvious they were looking for something specific.  The cushions cover the whole but I am irked nonetheless.

I realize that being irked is becoming a theme of mine.  There are a lot of reasons why I am not in the best of moods.  From the partially eaten sofa to the fact that my oldest had major attitude after I said for the fourth time,  "No you can't take the brand new iPad on the school bus!"  He can't even keep track of his socks.  I do have cause for not being in the best of moods.  Late me also state that I will blow a gasket if it snows one more time.  However, the real deal is that I am anxious because I need direction.  I am at a minor loss at what to do.

My vintage business is going through transition and it is making me nervous.  Its not the money, I did very well with my pop-up shop last year.  I think I am afraid of getting stuck doing something that I don't want to do while simultaneously being hesitant about doing what I really want to with the business.   It reminds me of when I was binge watching True Detective a couple of weeks ago and Matthew McConaughey's character said something that stuck with me.

"Be careful about what you get good at." His statement was in response to a conversation about 'what could have been'.

I don't want to get good at something I don't like doing.   I'm not talking about the hard grunt work every person has to do to get the life they want.  Just because something is hard, doesn't mean you have to hate it.  Likewise is true as well.  Just because something is easy doesn't mean you like doing it.  I'm not looking for a way out of hard work.  I am just looking for the right work and I don't want to be sitting in front of a computer all day long posting listings on Etsy or eBay.   Even though it has brought me a bit of success.  With so little person to person interaction, I am turning into an Internet trolling hermit and I don't like it.

I am a loner.  I like being by myself, but when it comes to doing what I do...I am at my best with people.  My love of vintage is rooted in the same place as my love of writing and speaking.  It's all about sharing.   I think I have worked out the whole writing thing for I'm good.  Blogging actually satisfies me.  But now I have to work out what to do with my vintage business.  I am in the valley of decision, where I can go one way or the other and that makes me anxious.   Unfortunately for my family, my nerves - my anxiety, reads as my being grumpy, annoyed, irritated and irked.  I need to get myself together before my kids and husband get home.  I don't want to bring the household down...

But, someone has to pay for the dogs eating the sofa.


  1. I hear your frustration and dilemma of being at a crossroad, it is not a comfortable please to be. You are right about being a good writer though and I imagine you're as good a friend, wife and mum. While the dogs have wrecked the sofa I bet they're real cute too :)

  2. Valley of Decision, I like that. We do sometimes project what we feel onto family in the form of irritation. But, you're being honest about it, a lot don't want to own up to their source of frustration and continue to play Queen B.

    I know you'll figure it out. Sorry about the couch.