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Thursday, March 6, 2014

My Secret Blogging Behavior - When Blogging Brings out the Worst in Me.

In response to today's NaBloPoMo prompt asking if blogging brings out my best or worst, my first thought was ...absolutely brings out my best.  Through my blogging I'm living my truth, being my authentic self, expressing who I am ...you know, all that self help-ish WWJD mumbo jumbo I believe in.  I love blogging.  I really do.

However,

The closer I look - I can say that blogging absolutely brings out the worst in me.  It's just undercover. Secret. Covert.

I'm am so obsessive and compulsive that I will write my blog posts over and over again (for hours at a time), all the while using relatively the same wording.  Just thinking about that foolishness makes me tired.

I can go from zero to 60 emotionally if my blog isn't the way I want.  I mean how it looks.  At this point I don't have the time or energy to learn how to make it look more professional and cool, so I just get mad and petulant.  I throw mini-temper tantrums and feel sorry for my sorry bloggin' self.

At this stage of my blogging game, I HAVE to write without regard to how popular my blog is. Once I go down that 'ooh! How many people read my blog today?' road,  things disintegrate for me pretty quickly.   I actually start to feel depressed because I have no comments.  To be honest, up until recently I rarely had readers let along comments, so I was depressed abut my blog ALL the time.  I am sure that is one of the reasons for my inconsistency with blogging.

I have  Blogger Split Personality Disorder. Pelham Road Vintage is my other blog for my vintage shop.   I haven't been mentioning or cross referencing the blog because it sucks.  It's all over the place and has no rhyme or reason.  I changed the format months ago and somehow lost all my followers.  After making several appeals, no one re-followed except for me and I was reluctant.   The truth is don't want to read it either.  It has absolutely no mojo, so I roam the Internet and steal ideas from other bloggers. Ideas I can't even execute well.

So despite the fact that I love blogging and the people who do get around to reading it like it - blogging secretly does bring out the worst in me.  The thing is, I don't really think that's a bad idea.  It  keeps me honest and ego in check for sure.

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