Sunday, March 2, 2014

Being a Writer is No Longer as Simple as it Once Was

I have had this internal battle for years.  You I a writer - am I not.  The doubt was always rooted in the fact that I can't seem to stay consistent with my writing, other then journalling.  A writer writes.  Period.

Not so fast.  I've got a lot of things going on with me.  I've suffered from depression, have stress related OCD (and yes I realize I may be in denial here), and have serious attention issues.  Sometimes I feel like one hot mess of mental deficiencies, but I have worked overtime to make sure that I do not come off as a massive flake.  Even though I may not seem 'flaky', there are no simple answers to my writing identity crisis.  The only consistent thing about my writing is that I am not a consistent writer.

I am beginning to contemplate what being a writer means to me without referencing any other definition.   Until recently it meant being read, having blogger followers, and getting published.  It meant I would get my kudos, internet cred, dap and a host of two thumbs-ups.  However, I have not been able to achieve those things on the scale that I anticipated, so what now?  As disorganized and crazy as I may be, it is still in me.  Sigh, being a writer is no longer as simple as it once was.

Actually, has it ever been simple?

The truth is that I  (like millions of others) may never get published, be a renowned blogger and gain all kinds of accolades.  I may never be mentally available long enough to get the job done in a traditional way.  Should I give up my identity as a writer?

Hell no.

I am what I am.

Today, I achieved my writing goals.  1) I wrote. 2) I didn't obsess.

So forgive any typos, roundabout writing and grammar issues.  It is all a part of combating my perfectionism - or OCD depending upon what side of the crazy you agree with.

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