I have had this internal battle for years. You know...am I a writer - am I not. The doubt was always rooted in the fact that I can't seem to stay consistent with my writing, other then journalling. A writer writes. Period.
Not so fast. I've got a lot of things going on with me. I've suffered from depression, have stress related OCD (and yes I realize I may be in denial here), and have serious attention issues. Sometimes I feel like one hot mess of mental deficiencies, but I have worked overtime to make sure that I do not come off as a massive flake. Even though I may not seem 'flaky', there are no simple answers to my writing identity crisis. The only consistent thing about my writing is that I am not a consistent writer.
I am beginning to contemplate what being a writer means to me without referencing any other definition. Until recently it meant being read, having blogger followers, and getting published. It meant I would get my kudos, internet cred, dap and a host of two thumbs-ups. However, I have not been able to achieve those things on the scale that I anticipated, so what now? As disorganized and crazy as I may be, it is still in me. Sigh, being a writer is no longer as simple as it once was.
Actually, has it ever been simple?
The truth is that I (like millions of others) may never get published, be a renowned blogger and gain all kinds of accolades. I may never be mentally available long enough to get the job done in a traditional way. Should I give up my identity as a writer?
I am what I am.
Today, I achieved my writing goals. 1) I wrote. 2) I didn't obsess.
So forgive any typos, roundabout writing and grammar issues. It is all a part of combating my perfectionism - or OCD depending upon what side of the crazy you agree with.