Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Truth DOES Make You Free

It's been rainy off and on for the last two weeks and I don't know if the rain is effecting my mood or just complimenting it.  I'm down.

My 9 year old son, Q is having difficulty in school, and it worries me.  His grades are still pretty good, but he is having a hard time emotionally.  He didn't turn in his homework for two weeks. 

The furlough is coming up.  Today my husband got word that it will be starting for his department next month.   With the stroke of a pen (along with some bi-partisan foolishness) 20% of our income gone.  Just when the kids come home for summer break.

I have been working on my Etsy Shop like crazy, I am increasing my inventory. My 'likes' and views are up, but sales are strangely slow.  

I'm going to start taking some singing gigs, with Jon accompanying me on bass.  It's much more than the two of us warming up some standards and taking the show on the road.  It's a different approach all together.  I am very excited but very nervous.  

All of this is weighing on me.  There is so much to do.  I am overwhelmed. I want things to be 'right'.  I can sense the old lies trying to make their way back into my spirit.  They are whispering to me through the door that I have closed.
  • You are never going to be successful. Your shop is a failure and;
  •  Nobody wants to hear you sing.
  • You are so lazy.
  • You are letting your husband down.
  • You are not helping your son. 
  • Stuff never works out for you.
 I have the accusations memorized, because I have been saying them (or some variation) to myself for years.  When  I am down it's tempting to yield to those thoughts and give them the space they don't deserve.  Sometimes it's easier than standing up for yourself and combating the lie. 

Some people can have a brief pity party and say all sorts of self destructive things. They get the foolishness out of their system and get back to the business. They didn't believe that crap for a second.  But if you are like me who is self critical to almost insanity, the minute you entertain those thoughts - you validate them.  And before you know it - you are behaving and responding to life as though those lies were truth. 

But that was then and this is now.  I have a tactic, a plan of attack.  When an accusations rises up, I simply ask myself, "Is that true?"  
  • My shop has doubled in size and I have tripled the amount of last years views and likes. 
  • People have been asking me to sing and I am in better voice than I have been in years.  Most importantly, I sing what I want to sing.  
  • It doesn't have to be perfect.  It just needs to be done.  I don't have to run myself ragged to prove that I am working hard.  
  • My husband and I are working even more closely together.  We have a plan and he knows and sees what I am accomplishing.  He has said to me, "Good job." and wants me to succeed doing what I love.
  • Q sang, "Wind Beneath my Wings"  for me on Mother's Day.  He had been working on it at school for several weeks.  We sang it together afterwards.  He was so happy he cried.
  • Just look around.  

The truth does set you free.  

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