There are times, not often, when I tell my children that Maaaaaa-uummm." and depending on the nature of their visit, I either tell them to figure it out for themselves or to go see Daddy. God bless Daddy. He is my husband, friend, lover and bouncer.
I am no longer Mama, I am Carla. They come racing into my room to ask for another Capri Sun or to complain that it's there turn on the computer but so and so is still playing. I look up from what I am doing and I say, " Mama is not here anymore - I'm Carla." That always follows with a perplexed look coupled with a nervous laugh. My daughter ultimately says in her high frequency voice, "
Tonight was one of those nights. I needed a moment of "me". Where I am not responsible for anything other than my own breathing. We all have those moments when we are just ourselves, free and clear. Often its that short sweet space in between the time you close your front door with your kids safely on the other side. That short space when you feel free and clear. The brief moments before you start asking yourself if the asthma medicine is in plain sight or if you left enough pizza money.
I have to remember that being mama is one of roles we play. It's the role of a life time which I get the most meaning out of it - but even though I am mama all the time, mama is not all that I am.
I am a wife
a vintage shop owner
And I am fine with all the comes along with each and every role I play.
But maybe tomorrow, there is a moment of me on the horizon.