Saturday, October 2, 2010

The Things I Remember About the Days Before Kids.

This evening my husband and I had the fantabulous pleasure of attending an outdoor movie at our sons' elementary school. They were showing  Pixar's "Up" which I have been wanting to see. Because of all the rain this week the movie was going to be inside. It was not.  I looked at my husband and said, "If I knew we were going to be sitting outside in the dark, I would have never done my hair and put all this make-up on."  In actuality my hair was only half done and my make-up consisted of lip gloss and a ton of concealer to hide the circles under my eyes. At any rate, I am sure you can get a sense of my mood. 

The kids wanted snow cones.  They were so insistent that my husband got up from his seat to stand in the wrap-around  line for the "concession stand", which consisted of a lone popcorn machine standing on a banquet table next to two red ice coolers.  When he came back he informed our children that they didn't have snow cones.  They were devastated.  I do not know why, as it turned out the snow cones were a figment of their collective imaginations.  Somehow they decided amongst themselves that there was going to be snow cones.

The 15 minutes Daddy waited in line was not a total loss, he came back with two Pepsis. But no snacks, so the novelty of soda at nightime wore off quickly.  Yours truly went to the concession stand to get popcorn and ended up standing in line for over an hour.  As it turned out the rented popcorn machine only popped about 4 small bags of popcorn at a time.  There were about 300 people watching the movie, so you can imagine.  What?..Why did I stand there that long? Well, because I was tired. I didn't feel like walking to my seat.

I made it back in enough time to catch the last 7 minutes or so of the movie and as I looked up at the inflatable movie screen while hosting a six year old on one leg and a 4 year old on the other, I realized how much my life had changed. Here I was with half done hair and makeup, sitting on a damp busted up folding chair in the wet night air. I was watching a feature length cartoon, eating crappy popcorn, carrying 60 extra pounds of weight on my legs and trying not to sneeze from the dusty picnic blanket my son was wearing superman style. 10 years ago, on a Friday night of my choice, I would have been hanging with my husband at a great restaurant or bar-n-grille looking good and eating well.

As I took another bite of my unsalted, butter free, slightly dry popcorn - my mind lingered on all the things I remembered about my days without children. I thought I would share.  Here is my list of the things I remember about the days before kids:

Shrugging and saying, "Sure - why not" when my husband asked if I wanted to go to a movie. At 10:00pm.
Never having to eat at McDonald's.
Waking up at11:00am on the Saturdays I chose to get out of bed at all.
Eating ice-cream for dinner.
Walking around butt-naked.
Walking around barefoot.
Walking across the living room floor without stepping on video game cases.
Not having to pick up a toothbrush from off the bathroom floor, every single day.
Not having to buy chicken nuggets in bulk.
Not having to tell a 7 year old that, "What the Hell!" is a bad thing to say.
Not having to tell that same 7 year old when he is 8 years old not to say, "Dammit!" because he lost "Go Fish".
Not having to lie to husband and say, " I don't know where he gets that language from!"
Not knowing what "Sprout" is.
Not knowing what it feels like stepping on Legos.
Not caring that Katy Perry looked like a vintage hooker on Sesame Street while knowing that was the look she was going for.
Having nothing to do at 7:00pm
Coming home from a hard day and just flopping on the bed and waking up in the same position the next morning.
Not needing superhero hearing and eyes in the back of my head.
Not leaning over to smell someone's butt.
Not having the Doodlebops theme song memorized.
Always knowing the location of the remote.
Always having keys on my computer.
Not having to tell a two year old to "spit my computer keys out!"
Not having to explain to the nice Pakistani man on the Dell Hotline why your two day old laptop has 20 missing computer keys.
Not knowing what it feels like to love someone so much it makes you want to cry.
Not knowing what it feel like when someone shouted " I love you Mom"  at the top of their lungs in the middle of an outdoor movie.
Not knowing how funny it is to accidentally be given the finger instead of a thumbs-up.
Not knowing what is is to have a mini-me.
Not knowing how funny it is to hear your mini-me say to your husband, "What nice french tips you have!"  because she heard it on TV.
Not knowing how it feels to promise your 6 yr old you will absolutely move into his dorm room when he goes to college.
Not knowing what it is like to be on the receiving end of said 6 yr old's wrath when you attempt to explain why the two of you can't get married.
Not knowing that your 8 year old would host the sun in his smile.
Never being surpised to feel tiny kisses on your elbow.
Never hearing, "You are the best mom ever!" just because.
Never having to do a google search for "super sonic vs. eggman pics"
Not being surprised at your son's art show and see that his featured piece is entitled, "Big Head Daddy."
Not knowing what it is to want to die instead of your baby.
Not knowing what it means to be sitting outside in the damp night air, next to your highly irritated husband, watching a movie you can't hear, having your legs fall asleep because of 60 extra pounds, eating dry unsalted, un-buttered popcorn and thinking in your head, "This is the freakin' best!!!! How lucky am I?!"
Not knowing what it means to run home to your computer and share it all with the world.

Everyday I am shocked at the realization that I have 3 young kids.  And everyday I can't imagine my life without them.


  1. oh CJ - this was fantastic. I love how your list started to morph from things you missed about YOU to things about your kids. This was fantastic.
    I'll add two of my own (if you'll indulge me) since I've been thinking about this as my husband and I plan for our annual date night tonight (yes, I said annual!): 1) being able to fall asleep watching a football game on the couch at 4pm and 2) never jumping up with my heart in my throat when the phone rings during school hours.
    great writing as always.

  2. awesome post. I can relate to just about every single one of those. Although sadly I don't think either of my children have ever told that I was the best mom ever. But that seems fair, I am probably not. ;)

  3. Alysia, girl you guys GOTTA get in more dates!!! And I remember the lying on the sofa days falling asleep during football - those were great days.

    Getrealmommy: my kids are so dramatic. One of those same complimentary kids told me. "you don't know anything - you're just a stupid girl!!!"

  4. "oh CJ - this was fantastic. I love how your list started to morph from things you missed about YOU to things about your kids. This was fantastic."

    I borrowed/stole that straight from trydefyinggravity because it is so so right-on! Great post, cj!

    Just popping in from to wish you well, I hope you had a fabulous week!

    Happy weekend to you and your beautiful family!

  5. This was so awesome! And I would love to see "Big Head Daddy" some day. We have one of those here, too.

  6. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I laughed out loud all through your list. particularly: Not leaning over to smell someone's butt.
    oh, the joys

  7. GG

    I know RIGHT! The things we do. Yuk!

  8. I love this post!
    ♥Nice to read something I can relate too.
    ♥Also nice to crack up at most of these because I can relate.
    ♥And nice to remember that being a mom is the best job in the world.